“It’s a shame, how often you lose people in life.”
“I used to fight for people, now I just retract.”
It was sometime in early March, when the remnants of a wintery sky remained unpolished by the coming of Spring. You asked me what it was like to have met him, and I merely composed myself, trying to come up with the right words to describe our first encounter.
"He was like a breath of fresh air," was my response.
And you smiled, and asked how it could be so. I needn’t exaggerate the night as we walked under the starry New York City lights, or the way we laughed as I tripped over invisible hazard. How he held the door while I encouraged him a taste of foreign cuisine, and how even through the laughter and the open conversation thrown up in the air about life, family, and love, he simply listened. As I did, despite holding back the private personal fragments of the past, how we stood and sat and ran up against the old and new places we abandoned through our youth. How he pointed to the skyline, and motioned towards the infinity of the future. How he could so easily hold it within his reach. How I saw in him, someone I could possibly repeat moments of everyday with.
“So what happened?” you asked.
I needn’t answer in literates. I turned to look through the window and spoke what my heart believed to be true of what ended a memory I still hold to be dear.
"I had to go home, and so did he."
“Throughout the course of the time you spend wanting more from someone who barely gives you enough, remember this: If they really saw your worth, they’d have shown you long ago.”
I received a letter from someone today, while checking through a pile of mail. Reading it really made me feel like I was significant, considering I must have ran through his mind for him to take the time out of his busy schedule to write me something on pen and paper. It’s so hard to find people these days who ever take the time, and I really appreciated that.
Time, I learned, is something we have a lot less as the years pass.
I almost teared while reading it, really. Mostly because he ended it reassuring me of my worth. As if he knew it was the kind I needed all along. "I feel like you could use something a little more solid and tangible these days. This is just a reminder that I am here for you whenever you need a friend to wind down with, cry to, vent to, and talk with. Stay happy, my friend.”
And I am so so thankful for you.
Chivalry is so rare, that I always appreciate it when I see it.
“To offer someone your forever is such a vacant promise.”
“You’re afraid, because someone finally learned to love you more.”
I still read the words that have echoed through my walls within the time we’ve spent apart. These words, whether they may hold as much value to you now as it did then, they’re my only reminder of the things that have kept me going through the quarrels never fixed from the previous night. Although, it’s been a year ‘til this day, these words- laid brick by brick unsettled from the past is my only reminder of the person I was, of the person I willingly gave up in order to settle for you, with you, and because of you, of the desire I held in order to prove that it could have been something to last, and to fight for. “You’re worth the risk-” these words, they remind me not to be so cruel in believing my worth.